I recently took a little break from social media. I wanted to see how it felt, break away from my 1200 or so friends and just kind of disappear. I lasted about a solid week, and not one of those 1200 friends of mine noticed I was gone. How tragic. No phone calls, no texts asking if I was alive. Nothing. This paragraph is super dramatic and feels like it belongs in the beginning of a anti depressant pill commercial or in a "How to Understand your Teenager" book. But I digress.. In that week I decided to throw my attention to other things. I needed to distract myself and find something that made me feel full again. I wanted to make real connections with people and feel like I mattered.
I found Pinterest. Holy shit man! Talk about amazement! Not only can I fix every single flaw of mine with coconut oil from a mason jar covered in glitter and lost dreams. I can also bake a fucking cake and not eat it if I want to "Tighten that tummy in 12 days!" Don't get me started on the DIYs! (do it yourself, for the non basics out there) I can't even manage to brush my teeth without drooling all over my shirt. You honestly think I can make a Hanging Light bulb Planter? You sir are smoking rocks.
So much pressure! The internet is just oozing with it. I have to be this sexy woman with perfect skin and body all while having an amazing personality. Now you're throwing in homemaker and crafty? What the fuck! Oh and don't forget successful! I have to handle a career, somehow have a man actually love me (because men lie.. that will be a future post I'm sure) and have kids who will later in life scream "I HATE YOU" as they slam their door in my face. Perfect. Thank you Pinterest for pushing me into an early mid life crisis.
I'm not that perfect girl. I'm a fucking mess actually. But I'm starting to come to the realization that the hot mess in me is pretty fucking awesome. I make the wrong decisions, but I did them all from my heart. I don't stick around, it's very hard for me to have stability.. but I long for it every single day. I say fuck a lot.. and drink whiskey. I don't drink whiskey to be "the girl who drinks like a man" - I hate that by the way! Every time I order bourbon on the rocks I get looked at like I'm an alien.. or a tranny. No dude, I don't have a dick under my skirt.. I just happen to dig whiskey. My fondest memories when I was a child was sitting on my grandfathers lap while he drank his manhattan. I loved hearing the ice clink on the glass and the smell of the "adult drink" I couldn't have. He did always save the maraschino cherry for me.
I'm complicated. I can cry and will cry about everything. It doesn't matter what it is. You can tell me your pet turtle Monty died and I'll be a fucking basket case. Show me a video of puppies? Waterworks for days! Emotional fucking mess I tell ya! But I will also be the first person to tell you to Fuck off if you are wrong. I may be emotional but I have no problem kicking your ass... with my words of course.. I'm not very athletic.
Life is so amusing. I'm not perfect and I'm just trying to figure out my beautiful mess. It's going to be an interesting journey filled with failed DIYs and whiskey. A lot of fucking whiskey.
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