Saturday, September 3, 2016

Oldest Profession..


Prostitutes and escorts offer something that is called the "girlfriend experience" How do I know this you ask? I happen to be from Las Vegas and I watch a lot of Law&Order SVU.. silly Johns.
This "Girlfriend experience" consists of men paying for female companionship in a non sexual environment. They cuddle, read the newspaper together, talk about his grueling day at work.. yadda yadda yadda. It's pretty ingenious if you ask me. But I've never really understood the whole prostitute thing and having to pay for sex. I guess because I've never had a problem getting laid. HEY-OH! I'm kidding. No I'm not.

Ok, where was I going with this? Ahh yes! I have decided I'm going to shake up the business a bit and create my own experience! Get excited folks! It's going to be something every man will love and actually be good at! They will be overflowing with confidence and all that built up aggression will just disappear. Studies have shown after my experience Men have gained 45% more of their receding hairline back!  BUT WAIT! There's more!! Many esteemed science journals have stated: after 3 weeks of the allotted dosage you will in fact add 2 inches.. to your member! Yes, I'm talking about your penis. Your balls may shrink.. but that's a given.

What is this new and exciting experience? I call it.. The "BREAKUP EXPERIENCE!!!" (Please read that in a WWE wrestler voice..) Yup! That's right! You will get to break up with me! I'm well versed in break ups.. a connoisseur if you will. If you have that sudden urge to break a heart or if you just feel like lying to a girl. I got you! I'll even send you texts pouring my "heart" out, just so you can ignore them! Doesn't that sound satisfying? I'll listen to you discuss how you want to grow old with me, and then have you completely deny you ever said that, while I pack my "bags" to leave. You will get to say the ever so lovely "You will go on and do great things" speech that every single man fantasizes about saying. And we must not forget the fan favorite "It's not you it's me" mumbo jumbo! You sir are in luck! Just for 10 small payments of 49.99 you will get to say that stupid speech and more!!



** Side effects can occur commencing, decreasing/increasing the break up dosage. Personal studies have shown you will marry the next woman you date after a break up experience with me. Proceed with caution. Nausea, dizziness, and compassion may occur.. but suck it up and go break some hearts!
 ** No feelings were hurt in the making of break up experience. Except for mine. 
** Angry break up sex not included.














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